Smart marketing….

Don’t use a barbless hook

for direct response copy

A barbless hook does less damage to fish, but makes it easy to loose them. Same for direct response. After you hook readers the copy should dig in and keep them on line.

Here’s an example: This week I received an offer from AAA South Jersey with an envelope teaser that shouted, “Express Activation Required” and a subhead: ”DO NOT DELAY: Cards must be activated within 10 days to remain valid. “

I’m not a Triple A member, but the call to action from a recognized brand made me open the envelope. Good start. But inside, the sales letter again shouted “EXPRESS ACTIVATION REQUIRED” and asked me politely to “Please hurry” and if I did, I would qualify for the “ SPECIAL FREE OFFER---and save as much as $31.33 if I joined AAA on the very best possible terms.” It also promised; “Your benefits start now …TODAY.”

Then, as they reeled me toward the boat, they shifted to story mode. Good stories make great copy. Believable stories. Relevant stories. This shift in focus though, now has me back-finning. I want answers: “Hey! What’s the FREE OFFER? How can I be covered when I haven’t signed up yet? Why is express activation required?”

And the story has no barbs to hold me. It’s about going to lunch with a buddy and two other guys in your buddy’s car. He has a flat, no jack, and no motor club. Nor do the other guys.

But, guess what? You whip out your card, call Triple A and save the day. And your friends will be thrilled by your “rescue.”

Emergency road service when you’re a passenger is a nice benefit. But why the long preamble for an event with such a slim probability? It’s not the main thing AAA has to offer.

Come jump my battery on a bitter morning when I have to get the kids to school. Fix my flat on a spooky country road at 2:00 am. Bring me a can of gas when my car sputters, gasps and coasts to a stop in the middle of I-95. If something breaks that’s fixable, fix it. If you can’t, tow me.

These events are more likely to happen than thrilling my friends while a passenger.

On page two, the writer hits his/her stride with the real meat of the program, which should have been on page one: “You get the most complete Emergency Road Services in America, 24 hours a day.”

Here’s a chance to land me. Instead, the crucial services I want are presented in a paragraph rather than with easily scanned bullets that might get me in the boat.

.Change a flat

. Boost dead battery

. Open locked door

. Provide mechanical aid

. Bring spare gas

. Tow to safety

The rest of the sales letter describes the many benefits of membership. And indeed there are many. But maps and travel guides, online services, and savings on out-of-pocket costs are attractive bonuses. If you’re selling emergency service, put your copy muscle behind emergency service.

Oh no! Not here you don’t!

At the bottom of page three the letter talks about GAS REBATES. With high prices this should be a hot button. It tells me I can save up to 5% on gas at virtually any gas station when I swipe my AAA Visa® card at the pump. In New Jersey and Oregon you can not pump your own gas. Now if you can still swipe your card and get a fat discount, that’s a big money-saving deal. (Remember this mailer was directed to New Jersey motorists.)

Finally, on page four, we get to the SPECIAL FREE OFFER. Join now and you save $10.00 on the enrollment fee, $15.00 on each family membership, and $6.33 on an extra month of service--- and you get a free USA road map. As for the immediate coverage, it starts when you call or mail your activation card.

The rest of the mailer was excellent. It had everything a good package should: an envelope that got itself opened, Triple A decals, temporary membership cards, a nice little brochure that summarizes all the good things about membership, and a business reply envelop.

Tip for The Little Guy

The sales letter is crucial part of most direct offers. Sweat it ‘til you get it right, or hire a pro. A well-crafted letter can be the best investment you ever make. Remember: the letter sells; the brochure tells.